tough like a creampuff

swamped with work and life... aka the return from boston

2008-04-02T13:51:00.003-04:00

this is just a super-quick post to let y'all know i haven't forgotten... i'll be updating SOON SOON SOON on wam! and the super-awesomeness therein.

what a great time! met some cool people and basked in some fantastic discourse.

i'm uber-eager to give you my take on things, as well as recount strange tales from the cambridge marriott, lol. work has me playing mega-catchup, however, and that has to take precedence a ce moment.

anyway, just wanted to give a brief shout out and promise of women, action and the media goodness! cheers!

WAM! curiosity...

2008-03-25T15:59:00.004-04:00

who's going? i'll be there, blue-streaked hair and all... will you? i know there's been some heated controversy surrounding the conference and its presenters and organizers, but i'm trying to get myself psyched for it (not to mention that i happen to adore jaclyn)! so lemme know :)

so spitzer's resigning... thank gods!

2008-03-12T11:35:00.004-04:00

... but does that remedy the situation? i mean, the man's been dubbed the new eliot ness, for chrissake, and he's rumored to have charged over $80,000 in prostitution charges! i'm so sick of the hypocrisy!!! and what's the allure of paying $4,300 a session for sex? i just don't understand it. not to mention what kind of sleaze gets into an argument with a prostitute about her insistence upon clean sex? now i'm not trying to pass judgement on the type of sex that people choose (or choose not) to have, but unprotected sex, especially when you're very obviously committing adultery and have multiple partners, is just idiotic and dangerous. charge that jerk already and get him outta the headlines. i'm already sick of reading/hearing/etc. about it.

horseshit.

2008-03-11T17:15:00.004-04:00

so i've been incredibly busy lately, living, working, being social and trying my best to bask in the glow of my beautiful lady. i've had some really shitty luck, with my bank account being hacked (to the tune of more than $1000 in fraudulent charges) to losing my cell phone, which, if you know me, is basically my lifeblood. everything i am is unfortunately tied to that stupid piece of electronic equipment.

in other words, blogging hasn't been a priority. for that, i apologize.

so i had decided to insert a little photo journal of my past few weeks for y'all to peruse and mock when i looked over to the side of my page where i have a blogrush account. (if you're interested, PLEASE link from my page and get the word out!) the top blog entry listed therein was titled 'pick up women online.' and if you're really sickly fascinated, here's the link.

and what does this 'genius' nico have to say about women? well, all you have to do is watch the first thirty seconds of the video to realize that he's an absolute total douchebag, from his knit skullcap that's adorably emblazoned with the word 'hung' to his tacky orange tie-dyed tee to his long greasy hair and the fact that he's BROADCASTING FROM THE FRONT SEAT OF HIS CAR AS HE RUNS HIS ERRANDS. maybe i'm just a bitch, but there was definitely a sadistic part of me that was secretly hoping he'd crash as we travel with him to pick up his mail, run to the bank, etc. his advice to men is full of all sorts of lovely gems, including the diamond that women are like racehorses, among many other pearls of wisdom.

fyi: 80% of all of his hookups were the first night... and the rest were all the second or third date. who wants to bet he never had a callback, lol? ugh. so who's with me on flooding this idiot's email with all sorts of hate mail? huzzah!

i've so far shied away from it...

2008-02-29T11:50:00.005-05:00

the horrendous trans* phobic media mishandling of a detroit native's murder a week and a half ago.

i've talked to friends about it, we've hashed and rehashed, all the tragedy, the bullshit, the ignorance, the loss. frankly, the idea of blogging it gave me a twinge of the shudders.

as coverage increases, so do the number of bigots and insensitive comments. and so it has to be discussed, and where better than the blogosphere?

refusing to release the victim's name is simply harmful to the community. is the family ashamed that their relative may be trans*? are they trying to honor hir by keeping the name out of the press? perhaps they're angered (and rightly so) that the police are continuing to refer to a murder victim as 'a man in women's clothing?' ugh ugh ugh. until we get more information, we'll never know...

the bottom line is, SOMEONE WAS SHOT IN THE HEAD IN A PARKING LOT. what sie was wearing is not the focus. bringing hir killer to justice should be the goal.

RIP

allow me to retort... and defend myself a bit

2008-02-11T15:06:00.000-05:00

personal vs private.

lighthearted vs serious.

political vs social.

why is there so much guilt and pressure with combining these elements on blogs? i've stressed over and over about how much to conceal and reveal about myself when purporting to promote a blog that deals with gender and sexuality issues, rights, freedoms, and injustices. i feel guilty when i express feelings and musings on my personal life here. similarly, i feel sterile and cold when i simply link to articles and world issues. i mean, writing about passions should be relatable, non?

so then why do we feel badly about combining the two? isn't that how are lives work anyway? can you have one without the other? (successfully and honestly, of course.) i think not.

i've gotten feedback from RL friends (whatever that means, anyway, lol) that make statements regarding the hinges i've swayed to my past and present conditions and situations. conversations always progress to effect of:
'wow, i never knew you had __________ or that you've dealt with __________. why didn't you tell me before? are you okay? i'm really sorry, etc. etc. ...'

to which i reply (and please, count this as an official response in the here and now) :

how would you know that? i never told you, and honestly, i probably would never tell you, as it's my life, and not necessarily your business. it's not that i'm attempting to hide anything, it's just that, on a day to day basis it's not quite appropriate, or the situation rarely arises to talk about such personal things. i mean, how often do you walk up to acquaintances and begin spilling your guts about family members passing away, how privileged you were (or weren't) growing up, or times you've spent in the hospital? if i've given you a link to my blog, i'm comfortable enough to share these things with you there. that doesn't necessarily mean i want to have some huge heart-to-heart about it. that's what the blog entry is, and you should treat it as such. if you want to begin discourse, there's a comment section at the end of every entry. use it, please. don't wait until we're hanging out and make a comfortable situation awkward. i love you. i promise. if stories result organically, they will, and that's fine. bringing up bs in person is just that: bs.

so now that i've ranted a bit regarding RL vs OL communication, let me take this entry back full circle:

i'm happy with the amalgamation this little insignificant blog has become. life is a mixture of the personal and political, and i refuse to apologize for toeing that line, and i'm no longer going to feel guilty for double dutching over it. if i want to spend three weeks discussing the type of heels i wanna wear, then sobeit. and by a turn of the screw, if i prefer to simply post links and discuss nothing but NPR discourse for the same amount of time, then i'm gonna do it. mix and match, messied all together in a boulliabaisse of blog. because that's how my life tends to be. i won't have it any other way. amen.

into you like a train

2008-02-06T16:24:00.000-05:00

if i had a dollar for every time i thought i could fall in love...

i'd still be poor.

but maybe i'd have enough for bus fare to get me the fuck out of here.

how much for a smile?

i've been giggling more in the past week than in the last year.

i melt for your smile and touch

that irrepressible flush that so often floods your cheeks

belieing your age.

i can't believe it's for me.

on second thought:

fuck the dollars...

i only need one.

apology and a tentative promise...

2008-02-05T12:47:00.000-05:00

i've been dealing with that interesting little quirk called life lately.

alas, i've severely neglected my blog.

it seems like every day i sign onto the internet and see my blogger homepage, i sigh and think 'later, later....'

well, now it's MUCH later, and as i straighten out as much of the fiasco that's my world maintenant, i figured this is as good as any other place to start.

so i'm going to make a serious effort to post more frequently in the upcoming days, even as my life spitfires me forward.

toward what? it's anyone's guess...

how desperate do you have to be...

2008-01-09T11:03:00.001-05:00

to disrespect someone's body in this way?

real life is NOT 'weekend at bernie's,' people. this story broke my heart and turned my stomach at the same time. who wheels a dead man's body down the street to cash their social security check? the audacity!

of course, the deceased man was a senior citizen (albeit a young one at 66.) yet another example of blantant disregard for mature people in this country. they're only good for their monthly checks.

i need another cup of coffee, and maybe a shotgun. *grumble grumble*

guess i have to go back to school...

2008-01-08T10:51:00.000-05:00

'cause my blog's reading level is:

Fast Payday Loans

an appropriate critique of the surge of pregnancy movies out there...

2008-01-04T16:21:00.000-05:00

FINALLY, someone took the words out of my mouth!

Susie Bright at (appropriately enough, lol) Susie Bright's Journal did an amazing piece on the influx of 'unwanted yet at the last minute i just have to experience the miracle of life' movies here.

i've been super irritated for a while at the idea that all of these women would just 'see the light' and everything would miraculously work out in the end. not to mention the fathers just fall into place and have their own little epiphanies as well. abortion is never a truly viable option, because these heroines could NEVER GO THROUGH WITH IT. (gasp!) and i thought i was the only one who felt this way... go read it!

dream interpretations, anyone? bueller... bueller?

2008-01-04T14:39:00.000-05:00

i had this horrendous dream the other night, and i thought i'd share:

i'm in a car with a group of friends, all of whom happen to be lesbians. a straight white male cop pulls us over, and proceeds to make some homophobic and sexist remarks. (i can't recall what exactly he said.) so i'm apparently feeling brave, because i lean forward from the back seat and snarkily ask "could you repeat that? 'cause all i heard was lawsuit, lawsuit, lawsuit." guffaws and smirks abound... until he asks me to step out of the car. i climb out of the back seat. the cop grabs me, puts me in handcuffs and forces me to my knees in the snow. at this point, i'm somewhat out of view of my friends. the officer begins to fondle me and take off my clothes, telling me i shouldn't be hanging out with these dykes. i respond that i'm 'one of these dykes,' and he says he's gonna fuck the gay out of me. (side note: i've heard this phrase so many times, in real life, and it never ceases to scare the shit out of me.) he removes his clothes and begins to rape me. i scream, and in a strange dream perspective shift, i see all of the girls trying to get out of the car. somehow, another cop is there, holding them back at gunpoint. then i'm back in my own body, yet still watching myself. i'm crying, staring straight ahead and trying to think of what to do. the only thought that comes to me is to vomit, so i do, all over the man and myself. i hope it will make him stop, but it doesn't. the idea that now this man will have a roman shower fetish enters my head. i know that the officer is a serial rapist and his thirst for violence will only increase. it ends. i'm suddenly alone on my knees in the snow, covered in vomit. my friends run up to me, and i'm screaming and crying and won't let them touch me. i'm completely embarrassed, and begin throwing snow all over myself, to wash off the vomit, cum and blood that has been seeping from my nose and mouth. (at some point the officer had hit me in the face, i think after i threw up.) i become even more embarrassed as i'm rubbing the snow over me, because i realize i look completely insane, and i know they don't understand that the snow will make me clean, and that's why i'm covering myself with it. eventually, one of the girls picks me up and carries me to the car, totally vulnerable and exposed.

any takers on what this means? it was such a graphic and disturbing dream. i should also mention that the friends in the dream are all new. i met a whole crew through someone new that i'm dating. i think that's from where the apprehension and embarrassment stems. has anyone else had rape dreams?

bride snatching: how lovely it's becoming more common

2007-12-19T15:59:00.000-05:00

following a disturbing title (Bride-Snatching Involved in Half of All Marriages in Kyrgyzstan) on liveleak, i came across this video:

note the shaming guilt placed on the kidnapped wives and the ambivalent, entitled attitudes of the men interviewed for this video.

i can't believe this practice, called ala kachuu, goes on so regularly(or even at all.) also disturbing is the fact that the authorities officially state that wife-snatching is illegal, but that no one ever prosecutes. and of course the abducted women are considered unclean, impure, or tainted by muslim standards, and will be shunned by their families and society if fleeing their captors, especially once the marriage is consummated, aka rape, occurs. how's that for a horribly textbook description of double victimization? thank gods there are people like the woman in the video fighting for the victims' rights.

it's inconceivable that they have to teach students that stealing your bride is wrong, but i'm glad they're at least acknowledging that there's a problem with viewing women as chattel.

this practice of wife snatching is becoming more popular since the fall of the USSR, as the liberation of the area has caused many groups to harken back to ancient customs and traditions.

hiding behind cultural relativism in this case is a load of bs to me. kidnapping is a crime, no matter to which gods you do or do not pray. your religion does not entitle you to rape, demean, and abuse others.

why the eff is this so common?!?

2007-12-13T16:50:00.000-05:00

a grey, ice-filled day greeted my feet this morning as i walked out the door on about 3 hours of drunken sleep. my hair's in a greasy side ponytail, and i dressed in the dark: dickies, pink chucks, a tattoo-printed tee and slim blue cardigan. makeup free and glasses-adorned, i am looking almost as great as i feel, lol. pathetic.

so i'm hunched over my computer, blearily staring at the screen, unable to focus on anything work-related. i start randomly surfing the net, something i haven't done much of lately, and i come across this article from texas. as if i couldn't feel any worse.

gods, this 21 year-old guy was a substitute teacher for THREE WEEKS, and was already busted for having sex with a 14 year-old girl in a parking lot! he went and pulled her out of class and lured her into his car to assault her! when the girl broke down in class the next week, they arrested him. he actually had the nerve to claim that the sex was consensual! the school system said he passed their background check. it really makes me wonder what kind of checks they do. i've never been a substitute teacher, so i haven't a clue. has anyone ever seen the criteria required? i'm guessing no felonies? anyone?

what really got to me, and maybe it's just exhaustion, but not really, is that this story is ridiculously common. so common, in fact, it probably hasn't surprised a single one of the people that read or heard of it. and that's disgusting. people put in charge of our children should not be utilizing their positions of authority in such an immoral way. and the poor girl, in typical guilt-ridden victim style, had to be convinced that it wasn't her fault!

the power differential is inherent in any student-teacher relationship. students listen to their teachers, look up to them, fear and respect them. yet these people justify sexual relations with them? it sickens me. i'm all for free love between two consenting adults. have fun, do it however and whenever you want. any fetish that can be imagined has likely been tried more than twice. but dammit, CHILDREN ARE OFF LIMITS!!!!!!!! that shouldn't be something that even needs to be mentioned, and yet, time and again, they're victimized, and then shamed into believing it's their fault. and teachers, the people that society trusts to mold and shape young minds, should be particularly cognizant of that.

okay, so now i need to go calm down. i can't wait to get out of work and jump into some comfy pajamas and decompress. maybe i'll finish knitting a scarf, and try to pretend for an evening that the world isn't all kinds of fucked.

top ten friday

2007-12-07T17:20:00.000-05:00

heavy past couple of weeks, folks. for that, here are my friday top ten random tracks:

1.) battle for britain (the letter) ~ david bowie
2.) start wearing purple ~ gogol bordello
3.) frank sinatra ~ miss kittin & the hacker
4.) under a honeymoon ~ the good life
5.) fairest of the seasons ~ nico
6.) girl from nyc (named julia) ~ of montreal
7.) in our bedroom after the war ~ stars
8.) 15 step ~ radiohead
9.) little amber bottles ~ blanche
10.) foundations ~ kate nash

now i wanna get drunk! xoxoxo

saying goodbye, or death is only a heartbeat away

2007-11-29T16:30:00.000-05:00

i was just told that my grandmother passed away. she was 80, i believe. a very strong and determined woman, she raised 5 children, only to outlive three of them. she eloped at the age of 16, marrying my grandfather who was about to enter the navy during world war II. both parents disapproved of their relationship, so he came to her window and she ran away. they remained married for more than 50 years before he passed away a couple of years ago.

i'll never forget her telling me the story of their first meeting. she was playing softball, and my grandfather saw her playing, and ran up, spun her around, and kissed her, right in front of everyone. she punched him in the face. it was love.

most of my earliest and fondest memories involve them. they did the typical grandparent-y things, such as feed me lots of treats and take me shopping. but they were much more than just the typical holidays and special visit relatives.

to say i had a tough childhood would be an understatement, but i'm going to leave it at that. when i was 13, the summer before i was to enter high school, i was kicked out of my house. my grandparents generously took me in, caring for me and supporting me, eventually obtaining guardianship over me. i lived with them through high school, and seasonally during college. i felt so fortunate. my grandmother had diabetes and osteoporosis, which caused her to continually break her hips and legs until finally she was moved to a hospice/nursing home to receive better care. she fought bouts of depression and the eventual onset of alzheimer's before passing away.

her strict and devout baptist faith often caused the two of us to have heated discussions regarding religion and lifestyles. when i was six weeks old, she started taking me to church, and i regularly attended through a good portion of middle school, until puberty hit, and i became questioning and resentful toward a very close-minded faith. my grandmother loved jerry falwell and anita bryant, and i distinctly remember her sitting me down and asking me if i knew what homosexuality was and how it was evil. i never told her i'm gay. she once told me she wanted to live long enough to see me graduate from college and marry a nice boy. i told her that she shouldn't hold her breath, lol.

regardless of our political and personal differences, i admired her greatly. she was a strong woman, and basically raised her children on her own, as my grandfather owned a trucking company and was rarely home. she got a job at a time when women were supposed to stay at home, as a secretary and bookkeeper, and later worked part time at a grocery store, just because she loved to work. she watched one child die of crohn's disease, and buried another in the horrors of vietnam. a third died of alcoholism-induced diabetes, followed shortly by her husband, the single love of her life besides god. she's seen more tragedy and hardship than seems possible.

yet the woman was unshakable, and when angered, angels feared to tread. she was 5'2", and though my grandfather was 6'4" and a tough tattooed naval officer, he stayed out of her way. she was also charitable, loving, generous, and forgiving. i love her very much, and she'll be sorely missed. RIP

national trans* day of remembrance

2007-11-20T10:31:00.001-05:00

today is the day.

all this past weekend, i've been holding and comforting him. he's so young, and still, everyone looks to him for guidance. he doesn't want it, but obligation weighs too heavily. he hoists the worries, agitation and fears of the entire group onto his tiny shoulders, facilitating discussions he doesn't want to have, offering advice to those years further along in their journeys. i see the strength and wisdom within his large, dark eyes and understand why they turn to him. the man is barely two decades old, and yet so firm in who he is! he's a bridge for those younger and older, face of a child and voice of an adult ~ universally relatable. for all his efforts he's still lost, confined in a form that's not his own.

he comes to me worn and exhausted, silent except to say that he's tired. there's a world of meaning behind those few words. he gently places his cheek on my lap. i stroke his head and down his back, feel the binding that constricts his skin, and cannot wait 'til he is able to live in a skin that is truly his. it's true that the ones most deserving of justice often receive the least. so i do my best to help, and hope that he knows i'm here. i can't pretend to understand what he's going through, but there's a part of me that wants him to just let me share a bit of that burden. when he smiles, it melts me.

for all those mourning, today and everyday, please know that you're not alone. someone wants to care for you, people will listen. or, if you're too defeated to speak, can offer a hand, a shoulder, or maybe a good joke or two.

youth that need someone to just listen for a while, and help, can call:

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (GLBT) Youth Support Line
800-850-8078

if you witness or experience a trans* hate crime :
Gay & Transgender Hate Crime Hotline
1-800-616-HATE

both of these numbers are toll-free in the us. and for all those we have lost, RIP. transgendered day of remembrance is a day we celebrate the lives of our friends, lovers, peers, both known and unknown to us. but it of course shouldn't be simply confined to one day. every day we keep those souls in our thoughts and hearts. a single day is hardly enough to hold all those victim to hate and bigotry. but it's a start.

shout out quick question friday...

2007-11-16T14:08:00.000-05:00

hey all. just had a big long discussion with a friend on this subject, and i figured that i'd open it to the blogging world. okay, so here's the question at hand...

which is worse: the reality of an actual dramatic situation, or the worrying/anxiety surrounding the dramatic situation?

for me, it seems lately to be the getting worked up about a potential drama, rather than the actual situation itself. for instance: yesterday, a friend told me a very interesting story. she goes to see this non-traditional therapist that deals with auras and helps her manage her anxiety. most of the focus is on taking control of your environment and managing your senses so that you can recognize your fear and remove yourself from it, rather than dwelling in it. her therapist told her of an instance where she was able to successfully achieve this:

the therapist, we'll call her jen, is hearing impaired. jen is in a parking garage talking to a friend. a driver in a car behind them begins to back out of her spot, not noticing the chatting duo. unable to hear the car approaching, the therapist continues to talk. several people walking by begin to shout at her and wave their hands in the air to warn about the car. jen finally sees hands waving, looks up, and sidesteps right into the path of the car. the driver at last sees her and stops ~ right on her foot. now jen could've freaked out, but instead she closes her eyes, breathes deeply, and calms herself before telling the woman to pull forward. she does, and jen's foot is freed. she is rushed to the hospital, where, after an examination and x-rays and such, the doctors tell her her foot is fine, because it was relaxed. if jen had tensed her foot at all, she'd've broken virtually every bone in her foot! and all because she was able to remove herself from the situation and calmly deal with it. it's all very buddhistic, isn't it?

anyway, with all my anxiety and irritations with the world lately, that story just really helped me, and being able to deal with things as they come, rather than worry about the potential negativity in what could come. how do you guys feel about that? do you find actual situations to be worse than your perception of them? or do you have any cool stories of being able to remove yourself from your fear or worry?

i can't help but picture john cameron mitchell as the immortal hedwig saying "i feel so optimistic."

anxiety rears its ugly head again...

2007-11-13T10:12:00.000-05:00

i don't know why i cycle this way, but it seems that every time i start to pay more attention to my blog, and keep up with everything i inevitably freak out and can't post for about a week or so. and i know i missed a lot last week.

i didn't get to participate in the protest against judge deni for her horrid 'theft of services' ruling and her reelection (which she freaking WON), four of the jena six went into court for pre-trial, complete with nationwide protests, my company got bought by some large corporate giant which means i could lose my job, ENDA's transphobic version passed in the house, my roommate tried to fight some guy for groping me in the bar, and i went on a pretty cool date.

i also have had multiple panic attacks lately due to my doctor changing my meds yet again, and it's taken me about 4 days just to type this tiny bit of info. and now i'm stopping, because i can't handle typing any more. i'm so mad at myself, and i'm sorry for being so negative about life. keeping up with a blog shouldn't feel like work, but for some reason lately it does. hopefully my meds will even out and this will become a passion again.

how you can help celebrate ian benson's life

2007-11-05T12:52:00.000-05:00

a big thank you to all who have linked to my site and given kind words of support re: the unfortunate passing of ian benson. friday night, a candlelight vigil was held in his honor at black river public school in holland, mi, where ian had attended the prior year. (he was home schooled beginning this year.) i lit my candle from home and quietly mourned the loss on my own. amazingly, the holland sentinel published a short piece on the event.

if you'd like to help celebrate ian's memory, and the memory of so many other trans* people whose lives ended much too prematurely, you can join in the amethyst ribbon campaign. donations/purchases can be made here.

**i officially changed ian's name from guarr to benson, per comments at questioning transphobia. ian was to have his name changed officially in the courts on the wednesday following his passing. RIP**

mitt romney is SUCH a sweetheart...oops, i mean homophobe

2007-11-03T22:18:00.000-04:00

pink news has published this little gem about republican presidential candidate mitt romney. apparently, he's so against gay adoption that he'd rather have a child with deceased parents than gay ones. wtf?! romney says:

And even where one member of the partnership may pass away, the memory and the characteristics of that gender, of that partner influence the development of a child. I'm in favour of promoting, as a society, the marriage of men and women and the development of children in that kind of setting.

how sweet. so two, healthy, attentive, and loving parents of the same sex is WORSE for a child than dealing with the trauma of dead ones? riiiiiighht.

i can't wait for his hypocritical mormon ass to get beaten out of the primary, even if it is by some idiot like rudy giuliani...

i'm so tired of hatred being flaunted under the guise of religion. religion and faith have nothing to do with hatred, yet they're inexplicably bound. people seem to feel that faith can explain away any kind of bigotry. newsflash: your religion doesn't hate or condemn people, YOU do. stop misappropriating your discrimination, intolerance, and ignorance. i realize that it's easier to blindly follow a faith that gives you hope. but when it starts preaching mistrust and condemnation of others for simply being different than you, why do you not question it?

RIP Ian Guarr

2007-11-02T11:08:00.001-04:00

sadly, i received this email this morning from triangle foundation, michigan's leading LGBTQ activist organization, and i thought i'd share:

Dear [name removed],

It is with a heavy heart that I share the tragic loss of one of our community's beautiful children. Ian Guarr, a 16-year old transgender young man from West Michigan, took his own life on Monday. The Guarr family have been staunch allies and good friends of Triangle Foundation from the beginning of their journey. Ian's mother Amy is a founder of TransYouth Family Advocates (http://imatyfa.org), a national organization addressing the issues facing transgender youth and a national partner of Triangle Foundation's Camping.OUT program.

Ian was one of my daughter Chloe's dearest friends. Ian was sensitive, thoughtful, brilliant, hilarious, and painfully shy. Our world is less bright without Ian's presence. Even with an amazingly supportive and loving family such as Ian had, the youth of our community face an incredibly difficult path. In the United States, every hour an LGBT youth commits suicide. The statistics for transgender youth are even more harrowing -- the attempted suicide rate is higher than 50%!

Ian's family did everything right. They loved, cared, and advocated for who Ian knew he really was –not just for who society wanted him to be. This community owes the Guarr family a debt of gratitude for all that they have done for Ian as well as for all transgender youth.

Triangle Foundation joins our friends at TransYouth Family Advocates and TransActive Education & Advocacy in once again renewing our commitment to working with and on behalf of transgender, gay, lesbian, bisexual and questioning youth who, like Ian, are struggling with a society that is often unwilling to accept them for the unique and beautiful people they are. Our work will continue until no young person feels that suicide is their only option.

Please join Triangle Foundation in sending our loving thoughts to Ian's family, loved ones, and the community which joins them in mourning his loss.

Sincerely,

Colette Beighley and the Triangle Foundation family

PS. Please reply to this email if you would like Triangle Foundation to pass a message along to Ian's family.

If you are, or you know, a young person thinking of suicide, please know that you are not alone and help is available. Contact The Trevor Project immediately at 1-888-488-7386 or visit www.thetrevorproject.org for help and more information.

good luck alex ~ and dubai can kiss my homo ass!

2007-11-01T14:08:00.001-04:00

so i posted a lighthearted entry earlier today, thinking i wanted to stay away from anything too heavy. but then i read this, and all that changed.

dubai is famous for its decadence and overindulgence in all things worldly. the shopping there is said to be some of the best in the world, and money changes hands there in the billions. it's beautiful, extremely modern, and sleek. oh, and then apparently they outlaw homosexuality and deny raped teen males justice.

alex's attack is horrid. absolutely horrifying. first, he's taken out to the desert, threatened and raped by three different men and dumped in front of a hotel. add to being gang-raped by three different guys the fear and shame brought upon his family. mix in a doctor that won't do blood tests or a proper examination, accuses him of being gay, and then officially states that there was no evidence of forced assault.

"Then he cleared the room and told Alex: 'I know you’re a homosexual. You can admit it to me. I can tell.'"

top it all off with the fact authorities withheld for months information that one of the men is HIV positive!! thank gods his parents are strong enough and supportive enough to be fighting for prosecution. to avoid ARREST, (arrest for being raped!!!!) alex had to flee the country. i'm surprised he stayed as long as he did (he left a month into his 10th grade year at school; he'd been attacked on bastille day, july 14th) but he stayed in order to pursue prosecution. now he's been told that he could be sentenced to a year in jail. even typing that almost made me vomit.

and his alleged attackers? all three claim innocence, despite the fact that their sperm was found inside of alex. also interesting:

"United Arab Emirates law does not recognize rape of males, only a crime called 'forced homosexuality.'"

note how they are sure to mention homosexuality within the framework of wrongdoing, but not rape. because the real crime here is being gay, not sexually assaulting another human being.

UAE's government is indeed fucked up. this is the worst kind of double (at least) victimization. and unless they seriously change their judicial system, i'm sure things like this will continue. being gay is not a crime. rape victims are just that; victims. i don't think it's that difficult to understand. best of luck, alex ~ though i don't quite get that his attorney says he's looking for the death penalty for his attackers? *shakes head*

true outlaws

2007-11-01T13:12:00.000-04:00

last night, i went out to see the gepetto files, countercosby (that did an uncanny tribute to black sabbath), and astro-zombies (a misfits cover band) ~ all were a blast, especially the gepetto files. my friend ted creates these phenomenal puppets that will blow your mind!

anyway, at about 3am, my roommate and friend insisted that i see this video of two of my favorite outlaws, waylon jennings and willie nelson. so i figured i'd share, being that today i'm a little foggy and bleary-eyed from last night's festivites, and kinda cranky from being forced to explain that i was laura palmer (from twin peaks) to drunken kids that had never seen the series (i mean, come on, people!)

anyway, i hope it brings y'all as big a smile as it did me:

i don't normally do this, but...

2007-10-30T10:46:00.000-04:00

my last post, which now is sitting in limbo in drafts, just wasn't sitting well with me. i chose to take it off the viewable page, and if anyone still wants to read it, please just let me know and i'll be glad to email it to you. it was bothering me, and i don't think it accurately represented what i wanted to say. i was asking for advice re: dating a trans person as a cisgendered lesbian. so if anyone has advice, i'll just keep it simple ~ lemme know in comments or via email, and we can go from there :)

Blog for the MOTHERS act day!

2007-10-24T09:38:00.001-04:00

today is the official blogHers day of action re: postpartum depression and the MOTHERS act.

depression in general has a reputation of being an invented or maudlin, self-serving disease. i cannot reiterate enough that DEPRESSION IS VERY REAL. the 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps and just get over it' mentality that so many people adopt is not applicable. that is not to say that individuals can't do anything at all to help themselves; of course they can. but when you have a child, all of those overwhelming thoughts feelings, the anxiety, pressure, and alienated feeling that surface can be symptomatic of a DISEASE, and help is available. when one out of every 10 new mothers experience this, it's serious, and can be deadly.

katie corcoran has been missing since september 5th as a result of post-partum psychosis. she was seeking help when somehow she was sent away from the hospital in a cab. her family hasn't seen her since.

take action and inform your representatives on the MOTHERS Act here. the act would help by expanding research on PPD to better diagnose, treat and uproot causes of the disease, which is currently unknown. it would also increase education and provide two grants to healthcare professionals in order to help them recognize and treat PPD. if you're a new mother, or know a new mother that seems to be/are feeling any or all of these symptoms:

Sluggishness
Fatigue
Exhaustion
Feelings of hopelessness or depression
Disturbances with appetite and sleep
Confusion
Uncontrollable crying
Lack of interest in the baby
Fear of harming the baby or oneself
Mood swings – highs and lows

please get help! PSI has an 800 number to call for confidential advice and assistance. these symptoms can occur immediately after your baby's birth or even a year later, and vary greatly in spectrum. we have to do something to remove the embarrassing stigma attached to post-partum mood disorders. therapy, medicine, or a combination of both can be used to help keep you and your loves safe, happy, and healthy.

so NOW who's joining dumbledore's army?

2007-10-22T10:30:00.000-04:00

this story has me so excited today i can barely concentrate on my work (geekdom, thou hast won!) jk dropped this knowledge on a stunned audience at carnegie hall on sunday: albus dumbledore is gay.

...

can you believe it? dumbledore's gay?!? no wonder his grindelwald disdain was so tainted with hurt and emotion. he threw his genius heart to the only person with the potential to match him, only to realize that the object of his affection had such an evil side. how bittersweet and tortuous to have to fight and defeat his love. could there have ever been a more suitable match for albus? suddenly, his self-ostracism, sacrifice, and the way in which he threw himself into his work makes so much more sense. holing himself up in hogwart's, turning down the ministry of magic position, delving exclusively into his work: confusion and eventually acceptance of his sexuality would've been preying on his mind throughout everything he did.

so i can't WAIT for the evangelical christian backlash on this one. they already condemn potter and the entire series for the wicked, wicked use of witchcraft, potions, spells and the like. i mean, i wasn't allowed to watch the smurfs as a child because the church said the spell casting was evil! so can you imagine adding the evils of HOMOSEXUALITY to their profuse hatred of all things rowling? i can't wait... and i tip my pink hat to albus dumbledore.

pop quiz: what do anorexia and ecstasy have in common?

2007-10-19T10:42:00.001-04:00

apparently, a protein called 5-HT4R. this is really great news for scientists, as it solidifies the claim that anorexia is a disease, and gives them a substantial way to look for a cure. basically, research has found that people become addicted to not eating, and get a sort of seratonin high or rewarded feeling from refraining from food, in the same way as ecstasy users. as an anorexia survivor, i relate very solidly to this information. further information is discussed here, from reuters, and earlier in the year from the telegraph.

what does this mean to those suffering from the disease? well, if scientists can find ways to block the 5-HT4R receptors in the brain, then theoretically, anorexics would no longer get that addictive high from not eating (and conversely, the punishment and depressive feelings that result from ingesting food.)

this is most certainly not to say that if a suitable pill is manufactured that those afflicted would be miraculously cured. therapy is an essential aspect to successful treatment. i can't emphasize that enough. without being able to get to the root of your problems, you can never escape them. i truly believe that we are a society of quick-fixes and cure-all elixirs, obsessed with harder, bigger, faster, more. recovery takes time. that's why, almost ten years cured from my disease, i still fight it everyday. each bite of food that goes into my mouth, i have to work not to calculate calories, fat grams, look at what's on my plate. when i dress in the morning, i have to repeat mantras over and over again that i'm not fat, that the dress WASN'T looser on me the last time i wore it, etc. i'm at a healthy weight, even if i look in the mirror and don't see it. i enjoy food now, instead of obsessing over it. and i owe so much of that to the doctors that helped me what seems like a lifetime ago.

but just like alcoholism, you have to take things one day at a time. eating disorders are more serious, imho, though, because you can remove alcohol from your diet and place yourself in situations where it's not present. no one can just remove food from their diet ~ that's the basis of the problem! without it, you die. with it, you obsess. not to minimize the seriousness of alcoholism, but that's my stance. so hopefully, 5-HT4 will become a positive supplement to anorexia, and many more people can get help.

file this under wtf

2007-10-17T12:38:00.000-04:00

okay. so any relief, regardless of how small, that may have been expressed at the final release of mychal bell from jail is now stricken. AP published this article after bell was brought in to court for what should've been a routine hearing on an unrelated case. this case shouldn't've had anything to do with the jena 6 proceedings, and it is true that it was never mentioned, but judge jp mauffrey was obviously sending a very clear, and very hate-mongering message when doling out an unwarranted 18 months incarceration for a probation violation. mauffrey is awe-inspiring in his steadfast pursuit of punishment to young black men that dare to challenge his skewed view of justice. i realize he's gotta be pissed that he was called out by the nation for his hatred, and he's apparently obsessed with sticking to his guns. keep punishing these boys, judge, and hopefully, you'll keep getting shot down. as for bell, let's hope this trumped-up scapegoat bullshit can FINALLY come to an end... sigh.

panic, mania, depression, etc.

2007-10-16T11:46:00.000-04:00

depression and anxiety have had me locked away from here for the past few weeks. blogging should not induce panic attacks, but then again, panic attacks aren't about reality and rational fears. most of the time, i'm basically regurgitating news clips anyway, nothing too personal or putting my reputation at stake, and yet...

i've tried to post about 50 times since my last quick blurb, only to either run from my keyboard, avoiding my computer altogether, or begin entries that would freeze me mid-sentence and cause a heart-pounding, head-lightening freakout. ideas would be bursting out of me and then suddenly crash. i'm sure if i looked at my drafts right now, i'd cry.
anyone out there had panic attacks or manic seizes? anxiety attacks tend to begin without warning (known 'triggers' excluded.)

simultaneously trapped within and disconnected from your corporal body, it's surreal and extremely frightening to have to fight for breaths and control of your limbs. hyperventilating is common, but so is that heavy 'i'm gonna pass out or fall asleep right here' feeling. the need to hold on to something arises. you're a helium balloon tentatively tied to a toddler's wrist. beating the air, pulling away, torn back down. at the mercy of the environment, you sway and bounce. the ebb and flow isn't the calm, rhythmic motion of the sea, but an errant toss and jerk, sans direction or purpose. you can't forget to breathe, but it becomes harder to remember as your head grows heavier and the ground seems to tilt. why is one side of your body suddenly a paperweight, while the other half is lighter than air? being vertical seems an impossible feat! how do people do it? as these thoughts burn the edges of your brain, other thoughts are battling for the forefront of your mind, racing at dragstrip speed through your head. everything that could go wrong is currently occurring and you have no way to stop anything. you get over the strangely euphoric, terrible and seductive sensations and are abruptly torn back to reality... a reality in which you're shaking, sweating, tight-chested and nauseated. the tympani of your heart's pound is orchestral in your ears, and that memory of breath suddenly becomes all you want, but cannot have. you'd do anything just to get some air into your lungs, but it suddenly can't go. you try to focus, but all you can manage are shallow gasps for air ~ the rest of you is just too preoccupied with the plethora of problems it's having. you've shattered, and sweeping up the remains is a seemingly endless and daunting task. you don't seem to have a center. there's nothing there to hold you in; you're a million autonomous units that have no operator. you're screaming inside to grab that broom, to reach out, to rally the troops and focus as a whole again. you reach and reach and after an eternity of stretching: you manage. a mantra begins to repeat in your mind: you're gonna be okay, just breathe, just breathe, breathe, breathe.... tentatively, your body responds. your head straightens slowly where it had been tilting more and more to the side. (it no longer seems to weigh SO much.) you're sweating less, your eyes switch into focus. you're still shaking, but you can actually see your hands enough to realize what they've been doing. control of your legs and the sensation of them touching the ground reinstates. blinking a couple of times, you take that one slow deep breath that actually seems to somewhat fill your body. and it's over.

manic moments are different. ideas flow like lava, the world is suddenly within your grasp, ridiculously easy to wield and weld to your command. how do people not get it? you want to share your secret with everyone everywhere ~ they all must know! you rush to tell the universe, or maybe just the person next to you. you're warm, your face is flush, eyes bright and wide with intensity. you begin to speak, but speech is too slow for the fire in your brain. or perhaps you're typing. fingers can't work fast enough for all that's pouring forth. you skip entire words, sentences, paragraphs and ideas, convinced that you're waxing poetic and doing the world a great service. people tell you to slow down as you excitedly meander through ideas on every conceivable subject, topic or issue. vaguely, you notice their raised eyebrow and condescending smile. you stumble on the outpour and are jerked back down from your excitement. why can't people understand you? why doesn't what you just typed make sense? only moments ago you held the skeleton key to life's secrets and it was all too simple! paranoia strikes. you delete sentences, paragraphs, eventually the whole of what you've created out of the knowledge that it's worthless. and not only that, but YOU'RE worthless! how could you possibly have believed you know anything at all? that your creative outpour is anything but garbage? you have no ability or capacity to finish anything, achieve anything. you're a loser. why try. turn off the computer and shut the fuck up. retreat.

this has been my MO for the past couple of weeks. sorry to toss it all out like some tacky salad, but i think it's made me feel a little better. erin, you yelled at me to just 'do it,' and so i did. hurray to a doctor's visit next week.

and to add to that one...

2007-09-27T21:18:00.000-04:00

the DA has dropped all charges and decided not to prosecute the SRLP, where last night members were celebrating their 5th anniversary. cops violently arrested two people without provocation and pepper sprayed others. welcome home ileana and reggie.

...and in the about effing time category...

2007-09-27T20:14:00.000-04:00

Mychal Bell was finally released on bail today. finally. it's unfortunate that it took a media frenzy to make the racist f-wads actually get shamed into doing something right. so a big woo hoo is not perfect, but will suffice maintentant. he's out on $45,000 bail.

now if we can only drum up the same sort of media attention for the new jersey 4
read up. get involved. please.

female underwear is vulgar... everyone should go commando in china!

2007-09-26T09:24:00.000-04:00

This little news bite is simply DARLING. Hot on the heels of censoring idol-style reality shows for apparently giving youth "negative role models" (lmao!), chinese government has now decided to ban what they deem 'vulgar' ads. Their idea of vulgar includes breast enhancement and female underwear commercials. Because everyone knows those hanes her way ads are just for filthy, filthy whores. (just typing that makes me wanna watch one right now! i just might likes me some cotton brief wearing whores, heh heh heh) Interesting how there's no mention of men's underwear ads. Although their is a vague statement about the ban of 'sex-related health supplements' which to me screams 'viagra, ' but they don't specify gender there, of course.

Sarft [State Administration of Radio, Film and Television] said that adverts featuring suggestive language or scantily-clad women were "detrimental to society", Xinhua news agency reported.

if scantily clad women are a detriment, i don't wanna be an aid.
Guess those fruit of the loom guys can still get me hot, but forget those slutty trashy idol singers... they're BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDD.

could i heart david bowie any more??

2007-09-21T11:45:00.001-04:00

this morning, i smiled as i read this article from msnbc. let's hope others will follow suit! as for me, my obsession with ziggy stardust rages on...

Someday they wont let you, now you must agree
The times they are a-telling, and the changing isnt free
Youve read it in the tea leaves, and the tracks are on tv
Beware the savage jaw
Of 1984

1984

if you haven't already...

2007-09-20T15:03:00.002-04:00

i'm just gonna assume that you already know about this case, and that it would be redundant to rehash all of its painful details. click on the picture to sign a petition urging a fair and detailed civil rights investigation into the case.

lesbian pirates... for a change?!?

2007-09-20T11:53:00.000-04:00

in honor of international talk like a pirate day (huzzah!), i figured i'd join in the spirit and link to a few articles celebrating the (constestably sexual) relationship between anne bonny and mary read.

two of the most famous pirates in history, they fight, fought and fucked like pirates, alternately dressing as men and women, and pleading whichever gender suited them to the particular moment. how very androgynous of them. hot.

there is much speculation as to whether or not the relationship was actual, implied, or invented, mostly hotly debated by 35 year old male history geeks that still live in their mom's basements and eat cap'n crunch for dinner in their bathrobes.

this one believes the relationship to be actual, and this article opposes it.

as for me, especially the beer swilling, swash-buckling, eye-patch wearing, homosexual leaning types. Ahoy!

in addition, let me just add that it's hella annoying how trendy pirates are right now. i've pretty much been a pirate since before i was caught taking my little brother's eyepatches at the age of 6. (he had sight issues, okay? and he kept flushing his patches down the toilet ~ i was doing him and our plumbing a favor by taking them off his hands!)

bloody XOXO in love and thievery

Victoria Violence, Corsair Extraordinaire

i'm captivated...

2007-09-19T11:28:00.000-04:00

by this new blog. i stumbled upon it this morning, in that weird lurker-way that blog addicts tend to do, via someone else's post and link (thank you susie bright!). the hobo stripper is my new voyeuristic obsession. she writes with an honest and descriptive bend that glosses the sex industry with a frank yet surreal glow. i realize that's an odd way to describe it, but i just work with the tools i've got, kids. i love it when a writer can twist a lens in an unexpected way, and she certainly has the ability to warp a keyhole. you can bet i'll keep reading... amazing.

mixing beer and reproductive rights is ALWAYS a great combo...

2007-09-05T10:13:00.000-04:00

in this case, i'm actually being serious :) if you're a local ann arborite, or detroiter, or you happen to be in the area, come out and support planned parenthood by swilling some delicious beer and nibbling on some appetizers! here's the info:

A toast to your good health...
A toast to reproductive justice...
Please join Planned Parenthood and Friends
at
Arbor Brewing Company
114 East Washington, Ann Arbor
for our
Ninth Annual Beer Tasting
Wednesday, September 19th, 2007
7:30 - 9:00 p.m.
$25 - includes beer samples and hors d’oeuvres
R.S.V.P. by September 14
Register one of three ways:
Online: By clicking here
Mail: send a check made out to Planned Parenthood to: P.O. Box 3673, Ann Arbor, MI 48106
Phone: by credit card: call Lorice Sims, 734.973.0710 ext. 174
All proceeds benefit Planned Parenthood’s Grassroots Action Program
which helps get out the vote.
*you must be 21 to consume alcoholic beverages
hope to see you there ~ and hey, lemme know if you're gonna go, so we can meet up :)

whatever happened to julie ruin?

2007-08-31T13:58:00.000-04:00

lately i've been feeling nostalgic for the riot grrls of yesteryear.

queercore is practically mainstream nowadays, and it kinda takes the fun and subversive nature out of gay punk/indie music. queer punk is suffering from the same downfall of original punk music... with notoriety and publicity comes a sort of grudging recognition and acceptance. which is exactly what punk tries NOT to achieve. rebelling ceases to exist when it's done en masse. don't get me wrong, i'm not saying it's a bad thing that queer rock has made its mark, it's fantastic! that's a central goal (among others, of course) of the marginalized, right? to get your voice heard, make some changes, stir up issues, shift the current ways of thinking? it makes me smile to turn on a radio station and hear, say, tegan & sara.

BUT I WANT MORE.

it's queer-lite nowadays, if you will. what next? where has the spark gone? issues haven't quelled, but the diy spirit kinda has. sure, there are some great groups out there today, such as scream club, boyskout, girl in a coma and the dead betties. but they don't come around here. hiding in the safeland of the west coast and vancouver, if they tour, they skip right over detroit and hide away in nyc.

NOT VERY SUBVERSIVE OF YOU.

those little 80s/90s homocore pioneers traveled all over and would play wherever to just get heard. groups today have it much easier and seem to only be playing where it's comfortable. how un-punk.

and how unfair to these groups that fought for you to even get gigs. i want some riotous, angry, fun, tongue-in-cheek, black eye-inducing, laugh-out-loud, fuck your mother, 'recruit them all' queer kind of music! and i know i'm not alone. where are the pansy divisions, bikini kills, hedwigs, team dresches, and vaginal creme davises of today? staying away from the midwest, for sure... my little homo heart is aching for some REVOLUTION! and if you're one of these groups scared of big, bad michigan ~ you can all crash at my place, i'll book you and show you it's not so bad.

let me end this short little rant with the lyrics from classic bikini kill song by ms julie ruin herself, kathleen hanna. this track is called 'i like fucking':

Hey! do you believe there's anything

Beyond troll guy reality?

I do, I do, I do

It gets so hard

Just to be okay

Sometimes being happy baby

Is what I'm most afraid of

Baby, you know,

It gets so hard for me to fight

I don't know how

I guess I never did

Why don't you show me how

How to lose control?

She's so very, 'I don't care'

Just cuz my world, sweet sister

Is so fucking goddamn full of rape

Does that mean my body must always be

a source of pain?

No, no, no

She's so very 'I don't care.'

Just cuz I named it right here sweet Chickadee

Don't mean for a minute you should think

I'm opposite of anything

But if you wanna know for sure I'll tell you

We're not gonna prove nothing nothing

Sittin around watching each other starve

What we need is action/strategy

I want, I want, I want

I want it now

I believe in the radical possibilities of pleasure, babe

I do, I do, I do

oral sex causing cancer?

2007-08-27T16:03:00.000-04:00

so the washington post is now reporting this.

Previous research has found that up to 50 percent of nonsmokers with throat and mouth cancers were infected with HPV, according to the study.

get your dental dams and condoms out kids. tongue cancer's on the rise, and doctors apparently naively believed that getting people to stop smoking and drinking would eradicate throat and mouth cancer.

this is yet another excuse to get that hpv vaccine, even if you're not covered under FDA approval... by one year... like me. but i'm not personalizing or anything.

why, you ask?

2007-08-27T10:12:00.001-04:00

why have i not posted in what feels like a cyber-millenium? i've been busy would be an understatement. i've been moving, heaving, hauling, cramming, squeezing, sneezing (new animal allergies) and panic-attacking my way to a new apartment. i'm trying my best (and pretty much failing miserably) to cram an apartment's worth of furniture into an already furnished place. 5 rooms of stuff needs to be crammed into empty room and 3 full ones. my legs are covered hip to ankle with bruises, and the (formerly) well-manicured lawn behind my place now has foot-deep ruts marring its expanse due to a minivan-stuck-in-the-mud disaster. my paycheck will likely be demolished as well once the complex owners discover them. the maintenance crew put new tile in the bathroom, but destroyed the cabinets, removed everything, replaced nothing and left black gunk in both the sink and bathtub. my new roommate is out of town for a few days, and has yet to see the disaster that is her place, thank gods, else she'd be freaking out more than yours truly. at least i'm totally and completely out of my old apt. i have no money, but have to find a way to construct floor-to-ceiling shelving in order to make more room. it's no secret that i'm less than handy, so if anyone has extra tips on how to build them, or how to make tons of extra space and save a ton of cash, please let me know!! if i only had an extra studio to make all of my stuff fit...*sigh*

GABnet 3 unfairly detained in the philippines

2007-08-14T15:54:00.000-04:00

dr. annalisa enrile, the head of gabriela network USA, a us-philippines women's solidarity group, along with two of its founders, have been watchlisted and subsequently banned from coming back into the us after attending the 10th Women's International Solidarity Affair. enrile, ninotchka rosca and judith mirkinson, have been unfairly detained by filipino leader gloria macapagal arroyo. macapagal arroyo is obviously flexing her political muscles, as there is no real reason to hold the ladies unless there is some kind of perceived threat from them. what, they're protesting the massive amounts of murder, rape, and abuse of hundreds of people, particularly women, living and working under her rule? how DARE they!? injustice and her intimidation tactics must be exposed, and obviously should not be tolerated. vigils were held in their honor yesterday in chicago, ny, san francisco, and la in front of the philippine consulate offices. (i know, i've dropped the ball a bit on this one, but i've been swamped with work lately...) anyway, today, they're to attempt boarding a flight ~ i'll be waiting to see if they arrive home safely :)

the yin and yang of it all...

2007-08-03T16:54:00.000-04:00

this made me smile... and then this made me frown.

in the same paper, the same city, the same day. two steps forward, one step back. or is it one step forward, two steps back? hmm...

happy friday, all

comfort for 'comfort women?'

2007-08-01T12:49:00.000-04:00

i came across this article today in the bbc news. of course our government, as bullies of the world, is yet again pushing others to claim responsibility for wrongdoing. but at least in this case, it's justified.

the idea of 'comfort women' bends my stomach in ways it just should not warp. these poor women, and japan's denial to compensate them, is atrocious, as PM Shinzo Abe apologizes for the rampant sex slavery induced (after getting flack for denying its existence), yet will not recognize a necessity to act further. this article discusses the issue a bit more clearly.

ugh. politicians are sleazy and doublespeaky everywhere. he's acknowledging spilling the milk but refusing to wipe away the puddle.

the act passed holds japan to no promises of reparations, and abe's apology smacks of media motivation and insincerity, as he just lost upper house control, and is less than popular with japan's citizens (see here.)

T-G-I...well, you get the gist...

2007-07-27T15:33:00.000-04:00

so it's friday! dirty americans are playing downtown, which is always exciting, and i wanna post something fun. if i could only figure out what i want that to be...hmm...

okay. how's this: i've been kinda down for the last week, and hunting for reasons to be happy. (though seeing chrissy hynde rockin' with the pretenders WAS pretty rad...) i can feel the blanket of depression about to swoop over me, and i'm really not looking forward to it. (duh!) so i've been trying to console myself in non-destructive ways for once. this blog is one of them *grin*

so i'm gonna insert something that makes me laugh, something for which i'm grateful:

my dog in a ponytail. it makes me laugh, every time. so smile everyone, at my pink mulleted phineas with his summer hairdo:

this is when he was rockin' a 'hawk... we were bored.

and this is my phinney when i first got him... what he normally looks like, shiny long mullet and all :) for him, i am grateful.

let's go shoe shopping... um, i think i'll take the ones with the dismembered body parts?

2007-07-25T10:31:00.000-04:00

women's fashion mags don't exactly have the best track record, but this ad in v magazine, has GOT to be the oddest, most disturbing one i've seen in a while. boobs and butts in a shoe? i mean, come on! let's cut up some women's body parts and shove them in giant shoes. maybe some women will buy them!

who took these objectifying images? bela borsodi. so i went to his site, hoping to find some justification within his other work. i was disappointed, to say the least. images such as this, this, and even this flooded his portfolio. perhaps even more appalling is the fact that these images are bundled together with seemingly tame photos of accessories with everyday objects, such as this. it's as if he's trying even harder to emphasize the fact that women are nothing more than handbags or shoes. they were simply groped bodies, breasts to be ogled, silhouettes (note the belt that covers her mouth), submissive paintings, or painful-looking drawings.

now, that i'm trying to say there's anything wrong with sexuality in art. i actually prefer and even take part in such artwork myself. there is, however, a definite implied sexism within borsodi's work. there were, in fact, so many offensive pics i stopped looking about 3/4 of the way down the list... what a creep. and he's obviously extremely successful, due to his worldwide listing in all the top mags. i'll leave you with this one lovely image, typical of borsodi's work.

now i wanna pop his misogynistic balloon.

***EDIT*** just wanted to add that i scooted my booty over to feministing, and what's on their most recent post list? mmhmm. said ad. maybe we can all get together and start a boycott?

pride & prejudice, sans jane austen, pt 2

2007-07-24T15:54:00.000-04:00

so i'll continue the saga...

after telling the uk court story, i ask bob if he can see the correllation between the two situations. he responds that the poor foster girl is a victim, and that the judge was wrong, but that the reason he was wrong is merely because she's a child. to him, the two dads that had begun our discussion are adults, and therefore cannot be victims. they have the ability to choose their license plate, and to him, shouldn't, because they're asking for trouble.

yep, those women and gays, they're just asking for it, by doing crazy things like buying vanity plates and wearing frilly underwear. they're just tempting those innocent hate-mongers to do something horrid to them. how dare they?!?

from there, the discussion quickly spiralled drainwards. i ask him how he can say that gays are asking for trouble by being themselves? he responds with a comment to which i must first add a little backstory.

a few years ago, joe & dan, aforementioned couple, came out to a party with a group of girls in our neighborhood. said party was fairly lame, so we all decided to trek the two blocks back to my apartment to hang out on our own. while walking back, an SUV stopped in the middle of the street and two large men jumped out, yelled they were 'looking for' joe & dan, and proceeded to assault them, unprovoked, on the sidewalk. it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, and i can't even begin to understand how much more difficult it was for them. neither of them had ever even been in a fight before, let alone the victims of violent gay bashing. discrimination prevailed every step they took, from the attitude of the police, who insisted joe & dan must've done something to provoke the attack, to the hours in the er, where we were shoved into a private holding room (we were told the blood was scaring the other people in the waiting area), to the fact that my witness statement was the only one counted as testimony, and later the reduction of sentencing to probation by the judge due to an incompetent public defender. never mind the fact that dan's mother is a lawyer and refused to help, and my (former) girlfriend's father asked us what they were doing to incite an attack ('were they holding hands?' he asked before proceeding to tell us to let that be a lesson to us to be careful and discreet in public.) not that it matters, but they weren't even walking next to one another. their only 'crime' was being gay on the sidewalk at 1 or so in the morning.

so this event is obviously one which had a great impact on my life, as well as mary's, as she was one of the people out with the crowd that evening, and has been friends with the two of them even longer than me. bob, having only known us for a short time, dares to respond to my statement about gays asking for trouble by saying

well, look what happened to . they got attacked for nothing. it just proves my point that gays need to watch out.

this was too much for me. i really felt he overstepped boundaries. i mean, how dare he blame two innocent people for getting beaten by some homophobic neanderthals? joe's nose was broken, and dan just missed going blind from a hit and cut right above his eye! and the whole time, mary just sat there, completely refusing to stick up for people she calls her best friends, all in the name of a steady piece of ass. i hit my limit. i excused myself, apologized for not being able to discuss it anymore, and walked out of the restaurant.

i haven't talked to bob since, and when i called mary a week later, she dared to tell me i should apologize to him because i left the restaurant! i told her i left because i was so hurt, and i didn't want them to see me cry. (which i did.) then i added that i couldn't believe she didn't at least stand up for joe & dan, because what bob was saying was wrong, and his thinking was total watercooler discrimination & homophobia. to which she promptly hung up on me.

you don't have to be throwing bricks through windows and beating random strangers to have prejudice. you don't have to be screaming nigger, faggot, slut, or kike to be discriminatory or putting others down for being who they are. hatred is not always obvious, in fact, it's usually just the opposite. it's ingrained in the straight, white, classist patriarchy of our society, and it's up to us to fish it out, identify, and eradicate it. is requires us each to look in the mirror and find that ugliness that may be glossed over and buried under layers of polite, politically correct ideals. it isn't nice, pretty, or simple. i'm losing close friends over this, but honestly, it's making me reevaluate my friendships in general. i'm not happy about it, but...

i just can't 'sit nice and be quiet' anymore.

pride and prejudice, sans jane austen, part one

2007-07-23T16:25:00.000-04:00

okay, i'll get to it. i've been hella busy these last couple of weeks and haven't updated my blog in practically a millenium (re: two weeks.) but i must be honest and let y'all know i've been avoiding it. avoiding my own emotional turmoil over an incident that happened when i was at dinner the other night with a couple of friends. but it's been long enough now, and i hope i've gathered enough distance to recount the story accurately and without getting too upset by it. so here's what happened:
the three of us are at dinner, discussing our weeks, lives, etc. ~ average friendly dinner convo. now the other two, bob** and maryanne**, are coworkers that have upped the ante from close friends to dating (dangerous, i know, but that's a totally different tale.) they're still in that obnoxious lovey-dovey stage, and it's kinda cute in a nauseating way. so maryanne is talking about her parents and what they do for a living and she mentions that her mother works for an adoption agency. we talk about that a bit, and i ask about whether or not they approve gay adoptions. this obviously leads to a turn in topics, and bob mentions that he'd recently seen a minivan with a vanity plate that read: '2 dads.' i smiled and said that was awesome, and remarked that i was glad people were proud to state such things. the conversation then went (roughly) as such:

bob: i don't know....
me: you don't know what?
bob: it made me uncomfortable.
me: what made you uncomfortable?
bob: i don't know. i mean, i'm okay with gays and all, but i just don't think they should be so obvious.
me: how do you mean, obvious?
bob: well, people get beat up for stuff like that. i just think they should be careful. they're kind of asking to get beat up by being so obvious.
me: so you're saying gay people should hide.
bob: no
me: then what are you saying?
bob: i just think that there are a lot of people out there that don't like gays. someone could come along and see that and get really upset.
me: but if you say things like that, then you're basically saying that gay people should hide and not be who they are. we need people to do things like have pro-gay vanity plates to emphasize that it is okay to be gat parents. in fact, it's GREAT to be gay parents, and there's nothing wrong with that. saying those men shouldn't have those vanity plates is saying that what they're doing is wrong. that who they ARE is wrong. do you not see where that line of thinking progresses? it promotes homophobia and intolerance.
bob: but i'm not homophobic. i'm friends with you and joe** & dan**
me: 'but some of my best friends are black' is NOT a valid argument. society has the problem, not gay folk. you can't blame a victim, and when you say things like that, it's what you're doing.
bob: but society's not gonna change.
me: you really think that civil rights for gays aren't going to progress? blacks and women didn't have the right to vote, but now they do. i believe that in my lifetime we'll see progress and the furthering of gay rights, don't you?
bob: no. i think the country is going in the opposite direction.
me: and you're okay with that?
bob: uh...well...no...but...

the conversation escalated from there, with me reiterating the same points over and over again, and him continuing to state that gays will be beat up if they're too obvious.
~~ note that mary is extremely quiet during this whole discussion. mary's bisexual, and has had long term relationships with men and women, and has not piped up once, despite my repeated attempts to bring her into the discussion. she refused to state an opinion either way, because she was too scared to offend her new beau. ~~
i tried to take the entire conversation and put a similar situation into a different context. i began to discuss this court case that cara brought up last month at the curvature that made me cry with rage. i thought that by discussing that what a young girl is wearing and her background is no excuse for rape would resonate as discriminatory. i told him that the asshole judge in the case was blaming the girl for her attack, and that shaming gays into hiding who they are skirts the same thought lines.

i have to leave work now, so i'll publish the rest tomorrow

**not their real names

since when does being gay equal being easy?

2007-07-05T15:03:00.000-04:00

hello all.

i have a problem. (apparently.)

whenever i go out to the bar, or meet a new couple, inevitably, for some reason, i get propositioned. and not just sleazy come-ons from drunken idiots. i'm talking REALLY sleazy come-ons from drunken (and sometimes sober) idiots.

no, really. i can't remember the last time i went out to the bar and WASN'T asked to have sex with a couple.

No, no, NO i will NOT sleep with you and your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, lover, best friend. no, i won't bang your girlfriend while you watch, and no you can't videotape the session to watch later. just because YOU'RE attracted to me does not mean that I'M easy. i've gotten this even from people i know well.

i'm sorry, but fulfilling your fantasy is not my prerogative. if i'm into you, you'll know it. if i wanted to sleep with more than one person at a time, it's certainly not gonna be with a couple. not that i'm opposed to others doing what they want in a healthy, mutually satisfying way, it's just not my thing. to my taste, it just invites drama, especially among friends. i don't sleep with men, and i don't sleep with straight women. period. and buying me shots to get me even more liquored up is not gonna help. i happen to feel that my sexual experiences are mine, and i'm not about to give that to someone else. it's my body, and my business. it doesn't get me hot.

in fact, this comes up so much that i can usually spot it well before it happens, but i really don't know how to go about combatting it. the other night, i'm at my usual watering hole, and of course, the inevitable situation occurs. i'm polite, but firm in my denial, trying my best not to roll my eyes, screaming on the inside. they walk away, and my friend turns to me and asks why this always happens to me. i wish i knew. i rant that i guess i'm just the token male-friendly lesbian. not that this excuses any of it away. i'm not about to feed into some chasing amy scenario. fuck that.

but then, someone on the other side of me says, it's not that i'm some male-friendly lesbian, it's that i'm hot. and that i should just get over it.

um, what?

just because someone thinks i'm hot, that suddenly makes it okay to pester me about having sex? i guess i'm asking to be hit on, because you're attracted to me? makes perfect sense. it's just another attempt for straight males to assert their dominance and enter what is a hands-off zone for them. apparently, i'm some sort of easy conquest or perceived open door to infiltrate, objectify and destroy lesbian structures. i'm sorry, that's not flattering to me.

fuckers.

i guess the real reason i'm typing this entry today, besides the chance to rant a bit, is because i haven't met other lesbians that have this happen to them on a regular basis. do any of you women have to deal with this? how do you view it? i really am just so tired of it all.

let's get this out there!

2007-07-03T16:17:00.000-04:00

i was having a less than awesome day when i stumbled across this article at in these times discussing No!, a documentary on rape in the african-american community. i definitely missed the boat, and haven't seen it. has anyone else? it was apparently screened in detroit last week at the allied media conference. i'm really excited about it, and i'd love to order it and set up a small screening in this area? anyone interested, or know where i could get a copy? i know you can order it here. but i'm wondering if any friends know of copies at either eastern michigan university or university of michigan? i'll update if/when i get find or order it.

thank you for being a friend (?)

2007-07-02T15:59:00.000-04:00

yesterday, i received some really crappy news. i called my old college roommate, with whom i'm supposed to be moving to chicago at the end of august, just to check in and see how she was doing. we hadn't talked since we each arrived home - she in ohio, me in michigan. anyway, i call her up, and she, in a very roundabout and mealymouthed way, proceeds to tell me that she's now not moving with me. after i've been searching for two bedroom apartments, looking at neighborhoods, networking for jobs, etc... not to mention taking time off work and spending a decent amount of money taking the trip out there. needless to say, i was a little upset. to add to this, i felt this disgusting sense of deja vu dread.

about a year and a half ago, my best friend and i decided we were moving to new york. we made two separate trips out there, met another roommate, hunted for apartments, and i ended up spending a TON of money (because i, of course, paid for his flights out there as well as my own) only to have him back out at the last minute. well, my stubborn ass wasn't having that. i went anyway, found a roommate, and moved. it was a disaster. my new roommate was crazy, the boss i ended up working for was crazier, and i wound up miserable. i moved back to michigan two months later.

i really don't want this to happen again.

i'm beyond tired of flaky friends and indecisiveness. i feel like i continually put myself out there, only to be disappointed repeatedly. and not just in situations like this. i can't help wondering if i'm seeking out these kind of wishy-washy folk, or if it's simply luck of the draw, perhaps age, fear, etc...? it's too damn irritating. when i make a decision, i tend to stubbornly stick with it. not that my bold tenacity is all positive either, but when i know someone is counting on me, i do my best to make things happen. this move is no small step for me, but i'm willing to do it. and i really believed that my friend was ready as well. i'm insulted, and mad at myself for trusting someone yet again. i don't want to be jaded, but i definitely feel myself veering in that direction. it's hard to be upbeat and positive when you're punch drunk from yet another blow.

thank gods i have other really great friends who are willing to go the extra mile and be supportive. nearly every single one of the people i contacted when i was upset either came running to join me, or called/texted me within a day. i really appreciate it, more than i can say. i'm not close with my family, so friends are who i have. thanks again to everyone.

cue the golden girls theme...

so i've been musing...

2007-06-29T12:00:00.001-04:00

sometimes it's hard to write. it's hard to focus when there are a million and one issues about which i could be ranting. it's especially hard when i read all of these amazing posts everyday from other bloggers.

they all just seem so PERTINENT, with mine weak and irrelevant in comparison.

i'm the type of person that reads something, has a visceral, gut reaction, and have to put my thoughts down NOW NOW NOW or i lose them. i'm a totally 80s ADD child.

not to mention the fact that i'm at work, where i should be concentrating on cleaning up album information or fixing some bad hyperlinks on our database. (i'm a tech editor, for those of you who don't know)

and to top it all off, it's friday, and i just got back from a five day mini-vacation to chicago. in short, my brain is roughly the consistency of a sopping wet bowl of grits.

this doesn't stop me from feeling guilty.

if others can manage to balance all of these things plus manage to consistently post amazingly thoughtful blog entries, well, dammit, i'm sure gonna try.

but apparently not now, 'cause a coworker wants me to accompany him to borders.

it's friday... guess it's time to rate my blog!

2007-06-29T10:45:00.000-04:00

Mingle² - Online Dating

i find it interesting that 'lesbian' was tagged as one the reasons for my blog rating, while 'queer' was not. guess i have to keep working for those nc-17 tags.

so i accidentally hit the 'next blog' link...

2007-06-26T20:49:00.000-04:00

i was all ready to enter a blog about accountability and abuse. after accidentally hitting the 'next blog' button as my phone rang (lol), i was totally accosted with this

bring on the pride! (chicago deep dish style)

2007-06-21T23:54:00.000-04:00

so i'm in chicago for pride and to check out neighborhoods and such... seriously considering moving here at the end of my horrid lease in michigan. any chi-town ladies know of some rad places to kick up my heels? or if you're local, wanna possibly meet up for a drink or personal tour? *grin*

anyway, here til monday morning ~ maybe some pics to come? who knows what the weekend may bring... rock on!

maybe i should lighten up, but...

2007-06-19T14:44:00.000-04:00

i'm sorry, but i really don't find this funny. i just don't.

thanks for the warning, CWA...

2007-06-18T14:44:00.000-04:00

this will probably pass in AL. thank goodness they want it an elective. but why does it need to be placed as some sort of state-certified course in public schooling? i just don't understand how people seem not to get the basic premise of SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE.

thomas jefferson is credited with being the first person to coin the phrase. and, interestingly enough, the concerned women for america (don't you LOVE how these conservative groups seem to imbue their activist groups with such desperately self-important sounding titles?) drop jefferson as one of their solid reasons for approval of teaching the bible in the public education system. how odd...

if you want your children to be taught your religion, keep it in the church, the home, take your children to a private school or teach them at home. don't force your beliefs onto others, please.

reminds me of that old bumper sticker that still makes me smile: lord, save me from your followers.

i hope someone catches these motorbike assholes

2007-06-15T13:31:00.000-04:00

my condolences to the families, friends, lovers, affected by this tragedy.

i am constantly humbled by the idea that i've had the benefit of an education. and my family had hardly to worry that walking out the door to go to school (school? i mean, i have a vagina, how DARE i?!?) was an invite to terrorist threats and murder. and although americans live in the wake of the columbine and vtech shootings, we're still a world (quite literally, in this case) away from being warned by terrorist organizations to not leave our homes to learn.

i wish i could get the bad taste from my mouth.

chick publications... who knew?

2007-06-14T12:57:00.000-04:00

hey everyone! did you know that if you tell your kids about the tooth fairy, they'll end up being serial killers and put to death in prison?!? um, right.

that's what chick publications has to say in their completely unbiased, unoffensive latest comic strip! this is so many shades of wrong that i don't know where to begin...

i'll let you all read for yourselves... and then, chick gives you links and helpful tips on ways to witness to all of us poor bastards unenlightened by its extremely intelligent and well-informed staff. i mean, there's a drop down menu at the side of the page that promises to tell you how to meet jesus or "how to witness" on holidays (they tell you just how not to miss the great opportunity that halloween provides), on vacation (for a thrill!), or even while shopping.

**note the lovely pictures that accompany each "witnessing opportunity" ~ classic.

damn, i'd love to have some wide-eyed crazy try to come up and 'witness' to me, lol...

thanks megan, for sending me the link to chick and making my eyes bug out of my head so much i had to post twice today. (and leave it to some uber-right christians to have a website named chick.)

what in hell is wrong with ann althouse?

2007-06-14T10:26:00.000-04:00

reading this from feministe before i even had my coffee today has made my skin crawl. there's so much i could say about it, but jill put it so well. i hope those idiots get what's coming to them. and with any luck, aa will learn a lesson in humility. good luck, jill.

isn't prom night date rape HILARIOUS?!?

2007-06-13T14:09:00.000-04:00

okay, so i realize that EVERYONE else in the free world has probably already seen this ad, but i just couldn't let it go.

what in the hell does having your virginity stolen by some kid rock-looking trashball rapist have to do with selling ugly purses? and what genius asshole decided that this ad is actually okay?

nice job, timbuk2. i will officially NEVER buy your products, which have an amazing cult following, due to the QUALITY of their bags. the company began designing for bike messengers, and they're known for being long-lasting and durable. also, originating from bike messengers has given the company a general hipster street cred, as much as um, i don't know, PBR or chuck taylors. if they spent half as much time as they do designing their aesthetically challenged (to my taste, anyway) bags and put it toward assembling their marketing teams, maybe they wouldn't be pushing out heinous criminal offenses as viable advertising schemes.

or maybe the douchebags all raped their prom dates and somehow think it's okay, funny even. please.

***no offense meant to either the blue ribbon of beers or converse. i happen to enjoy both immensely *8~D

blogebrity & christenings of several types ~ welcome!

2007-06-11T12:00:00.000-04:00

inspiration

so a big fattie thanks are in order to mrb for getting me prepped to stop basking in my 'i'm such a loser and not doing anything viable for the world at large' whining and actually start taking action. the other night we discussed various feminist issues and websites to which he frequents, as well as his new blog. it's going great, sir! i adore the fact that the biggest feminist i know is a tall, heterosexual, middle class, white male (in no particular order.) *grin* i need an outlet as well. and while i don't really care either way whether or not people read this, i do need to get it all out. maybe for self-justification, maybe to stroke my ego, but definitely to keep me (perhaps?!) a little more sane.

and so, this morning, at work, instead of actually getting shit done (as i should also be doing now, lol,) i went to feministing to check out what the blogebrity (my newly created word of the day!) jessica valenti had to report. and is there a hot plate today! the article in question , is one that i had no idea people felt so strongly about. silly me!

i was truly unaware that women are being required to jump through so many hoops about taking or not taking a surname. i really don't believe that my name should be in legal question, decided by the courts. if one partner wants to take the other's name, or combine them somehow, or keep their birth names, who cares?!? names are a very personal thing, and individuals have every right, just as they have the right to choose first names, to keep or discard them at will. signing paperwork and making things official should not be more or less depending on your gender.

the idea here is to GIVE PEOPLE THEIR OWN RIGHT TO CHOOSE. the commentary on valenti's relatively short post astounded me. i was amazed at the amount of people getting so touchy about being expected to side permanently either way. (ie to change or not to change)

here's how i see it:

if you tell women they should change their names out of respect to their spouse, that's not right. similarly, if you tell women they should keep their names out of respect to themselves, that's not right either. decisions are personal. and although they affect us all, they must be made. it's your RIGHT to choose whatever name you would like. and you shouldn't be made to go through extra bullshit or criticized, whichever way you lean, to make that decision, as long as it's not expressly hurting yourself or anyone else.

(how's that for the definition of liberal , lol.)

and just because i REALLY need to get back to work, i won't even start on the fact that as a queer woman, i don't even quite factor into this debate, as i don't even receive the right (thanks, dear government) to marry and worry about taking (or not taking/adjusting) my surname.